Speak The Words

In my space alone I speak the words of power hoping that they find purchase. If no one is there to hear me speak, did my voice really make a sound. In my space alone I speak the words of power...the power to go...the power to stay. In my space alone I speak the words of power and the shackles fall...in my space alone I speak the words of power and I am free.
I love you 💞

Chiaroscuro

Emotions, rolling over me like water over rough rock. 

Soothing, like a salve over my soul.

All encompassing all surrounding...

Molding and shaping me into something new.

Washing away the darkness you carefully ordained me with.

Placing each jewel into my crown of thorns ever so delicately.

Staring into the vacant eyes of a Specter. I didn't even recognize my own reflection. 

You tried to break my soul down to it's least common denominator...

but it would not be denied. 

It held on...

slowly moving toward the Son...the impetus for my re-birth.

From the darkness He called forth the light

From the darkness He has called me forth

washed and brand new. Ready to live in His purpose...

not yours.

Pandora Esperanza 2020

I Am...

I am unfathomable

unimaginable

indomitable

indestructible

all encompassing

ever growing.

I am remarkable

refreshing

rare

creativity in motion

creation at its finest

unbreakable

ferocious

strength personified

I am warmth

sunlight

moonlight

I am Earth Mother

I am Queen

I can stand with you, or I can stand alone.

I am the original

the one and only

Black Woman.

No Need

I really don't think that there's a need for good byes. 

What purpose do they serve. 

Is it just a  time to say it's me not you? Or, is the time for you to be non nonchalant and just say, "You do you."  

Sometimes it's just best to walk away.

No texts. no phone calls, no see you laters...

Just let it dissolve into something more like myth...

Something that might have  happened in a dream . 

A dream where you wake up and can't really remember the details, just the feeling.

Forever My Child

 Rachel Parker M e d i u m : Digital File or Giclée D i m e n s i o n s

From your very beginning in my womb, 

you were formed and shaped...before I even saw you.

You were already perfection in my eyes and in my heart.

My child there's nowhere you can go where my prayers can I find you.

 There is nowhere my voice cannot be carried on the wind. 

I wish that I could make everything right in your world, but I can't.

 I wish I could protect you from all hurt, harm, or danger, but I can't,

 But no this my beautiful child,

 no matter where you are, no matter how far you may go, no matter ills be fall you...

 you are my child.

 You are  Forever my child.

See Me

To be seen, For who I am.
For the all of me... the good, the bad.
the dark and  the light.
the scarred and the flawless.
I just want to be seen.
I know my value,
I know my worth.
But you can't you see it?
 
You look through me,
over me...
around me.

I've allowed you to make me feel discarded....unlovable and unwanted.
But what I have allowed, I can disallow...
That which I have freely given, I can take back.
This is my time now...
It's time for me...to see me.

Laying On Of Hands

From a time long before, we were created from the earth of the land called Alkebulan, Mother of Mankind, Garden of Eden. 

We walked in the presence of God, we were among the first of His mysteries shaped through the laying on of His hands. 

Mothers singing to their babes in the womb 

(Laying on of hands) 

As we rocked those same babies in our arms we raised hymns to soothe their restless spirits 

(Laying on of hands)

The passing on from one to another, impartation, gifting...from one generation to another.

And when this life is over, we will be ushered through the last and final mystery....

with a laying on of hands.

Fade To Black

I want to believe,
I need to believe...
I need to believe in love.
The longer I live the more I feel...
I need to let go.
Maybe it would be easier if I felt nothing. Maybe holding on to the life spark that's love is too much for me to bear...
I don't know..
soon I'm afraid I'll fade into nothing.

Change My Name

The world calls me undesirable...
The world calls me ugly...
The world calls me broken...
The world calls me unwanted...
The world calls me used...
The world calls me dirty...

But You spoke the rhema words that would forever change my name, "Father into thy hands I commend my spirit."

You changed my name to priceless,
You changed my name to beautiful,
You changed my name to perfection,
You changed my name to precious,
You changed my name to new,
You changed my name to pure,

You changed my name to Reborn

Pandora Esperanza 2018

When Lonely Is Familiar

And there it is, like an old friend. 

Familiar, comfortable, like that old worn out slipper. 

It's so easy....so easy that I don't even see it coming. 

It wraps itself around me, crawls into the very marrow of my bones.

Try as I might, I fail at keeping it out.

I've run as fast as I could. 

I thought I could outrun it you see... that was my mistake.

For it bides its time and waits.

It waited until it knew I was at my weakest...and then it was there. 

It's  name ...The Lonely

All I Want

I don't want much... 

Just the little things. 

If I come home from work and say,

"Honey I've had a really hard day."

All I want you to say is, "Baby let me rub your feet."

If I see a spider, which you know I'm afraid of, all I want you to say is"Honey don't worry, I got this."

If I wake up in the middle of the night from having a bad dream,

all I want you to do is hold me close and say "Baby it's gonna be alright."

And if I say I love you till the end of time all I want to hear you say is...

"Me too."

Peace

The wind passes through me and over me. This is where I find peace. This is where I find solace. Wrapped up in a blanket of God's own creation. The universe becomes an extension of my mind. My heart is open to all the possibilities. There's nothing that stands between me and my future except myself. I Am a wonder of creation. I Am able to be all that I need to be. I Am that which God has wonderfully, fearfully, and beautifully made. I am a black woman.

Closure

Sitting outside in the open sky...it's dark. I can see the stars and the moon. I wanted closure, but closure is a fallacy. I don't need to see you to say goodbye. I don't need false explanations. I need you to say what you think I want to hear. I don't need you to try and explain, to make things easier. Here under the sky, under the moon and stars alone, my heart has already said goodbye. That's my closure.

Providence

"In the beginning was the word the Word, the word was with God, and the Word was God..Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being..."

I mark the passing of time with sunrises and sunsets waiting... 

Knowing that there's a path for me. A pre-ordained,  predestined path that God has gently set my feet upon.

I follow my path one step at a time. Sometimes the way is dark, pitch black...but I know that He is there..

The storm winds can be violent. Blowing life's debris in my eyes...I can't see..but He speaks a rhema word, "Peace be still."

Sometimes the ground seems to give way under my feet...

He catches me...I am so tired.

"Come to me,  all who are weary and heavy laden. And I will give you rest."

He places a kiss upon my forehead....He changes my name.

Stardust Crowns

Stripped bare...
standing on an auction block naked, alone.  
Waiting for the highest bidder.
I have forgotten what it means to be Queen.
I have forgotten what it means to Behold The Glory of the Son.
I have forgotten that I was born of Mother Earth and Father Time.
I have forgotten power that I hold in the palm of my hand.
Broken...I concede... waiting.
Waiting for the one who will pay the price.

Not having what I want but wanting so much to be wanted....

Bent but not broken.

Holding the last ember of hope tightly to my breast.

I yield...I yield to space and time. 

Through my eyes I can see the beginning.

I can see the end... I can see eternity. 

I hear your voice, "I am that I am, and  you are my child." I regain my strength, my voice, my beauty.

My head is adorned with Stardust never again to bow never again to be broken I am reborn.

Breathe Into Me

When I close my eyes I can feel you....

I can taste the sweetness of your lips and tongue
Your warm breath envelopes me flowing into me and gives me life

     
"....and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."

Warm..soft ....sweet...

Hungry

I want it almost more than life itself
But it's so far away

I don't want to let go of the memory

But time and space are​ destroyers.
Wreaking havoc on everything they touch.

I will hold on as long as I can....

Don't let me go...don't let me go.

 - Pandora Esperanza

Blaque Nephilim

Constricted breath....
struggling to escape. Across my hopes, dreams and love of you.
Scattering across the landscape of my mind like dandelion fluff. Looking for purchase in a soul, your soul, that has been tilled by callous indifference. I gifted myself, my pearls, to you. You cast them down into the dirt to be trampled upon before the swine....but no more. After what seems to be a millennia, He finds me, a response to the cry of my pain, bearing me up.  Wings spread wide expanse never ending. Skin the color of dark chocolate, eyes that peer into WHAT is left of my soul. He is mine, my Blaque Nephilim. He carries me to the heavens. He makes me whole. Gently making love to my broken pieces,  he mends them with his touch. breathing life back into what I though was lost. Making me whole from within. My body reflecting his love from every part of my being. He is mine, my Blaque Nephilim.....I Am Home.

Evanesce

There was a time that in my imaginings I could close my eyes and see the face that inspired my

deepest 
                            darkest 
                        
                                                       desires. 

That face was your face.

Time and distance have reduced what once was the purest of erotic muses to less than a distant memory.

Now my innermost want has no face...my inner eye tries to focus on something that no longer exists. That is when

I new I was truly alone.

Tendrils of my well-kept thoughts that escape darkness have no where to find their rest;

 seeking to touch that which they cannot fathom,

the seat of my desire

crumbling beneath the weight of  cruel emptiness.

My heart wanting to take solace in the Paradise Lost that's very nature is an enigma.

That is when I knew
I
was
truly
alone.

Slow dance

Sitting by the wall, music pumpin' and thumpin'
    Speakers massaging my heart with the dark bass beat....sounds of India Arie'ss Brown Skin wrap around me and force my eyes to close and my body involuntarily rocks back and forth.

      Suddenly tendrils of warm breath kiss the nape of my neck. I feel his hand at the small of my back. He leans in and whispers in my ear. Over the music I can't even hear what he says. I don't need to.
I inhale...warm spice and desire...he takes my hand and slowly leads me to the middle of the floor.

Synchronicity
        I get lost. There's no need to think, just to feel. My body willingly lets him take me wherever he wants to go. Dipping and swaying

"Every time I let you in
Abracadabra magic happens as we swim
Higher and higher finally we reach Heaven
Come back to earth and then we do it all again, yeah.."

  .....then the music ends, my eyes slowly open. 

Damn, still sitting alone 

                           by the wall.

Pandora Esperanza~

Water Through My Fingers

In the beginning was God and the word was with God....He created man, and so that man was not alone He in his infinite wisdom created woman...man, borne of the earth, but woman born of bone, both a creation of the Divine.

The DNA of the beginning calcified like rock into her very being. to search for the other, the missing, I am the flesh of your flesh.

But I am borne of the Angelic and the earth made bone.

Somewhere in the ether is the missing piece of my soul. When I thinks it's within my grasp it slips like water through my fingers. 

Is it my destiny to search through eternity always wanting but never finding....

each of my chakras wanting to connect to the one for which I was created...broken and abandoned waiting to be filled by the "I Alone", my other half....the bone of the bone.

I am Nephilim....child of heaven and earth, carnal flesh and divine....I am corrupt in my desire.... wanting your flesh. skin to skin, piel de piel.

Pure in the intention of my heart's desire, to hold only that which you can give...but it slips like water through my fingers.