Monday, October 26, 2015


There was a time that in my imaginings I could close my eyes and see the face that inspired my


That face was your face.

Time and distance have reduced what once was the purest of erotic muses to less than a distant memory.

Now my innermost want has no inner eye tries to focus on something that no longer exists. That is when

I new I was truly alone.

Tendrils of my well-kept thoughts that escape darkness have no where to find their rest;

 seeking to touch that which they cannot fathom,

the seat of my desire
crumbling beneath the weight of  cruel emptiness.

My heart wanting to take solace in the Paradise Lost that's very nature is an enigma.

That is when I knew

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Slow dance

Sitting by the wall, music pumpin' and thumpin'
    Speakers massaging my heart with the dark bass beat....sounds of India Arie'ss Brown Skin wrap around me and force my eyes to close and my body involuntarily rocks back and forth.

      Suddenly tendrils of warm breath kiss the nape of my neck. I feel his hand at the small of my back. He leans in and whispers in my ear. Over the music I can't even hear what he says. I don't need to.
I inhale...warm spice and desire...he takes my hand and slowly leads me to the middle of the floor.

        I get lost. There's no need to think, just to feel. My body willingly lets him take me wherever he wants to go. Dipping and swaying

"Every time I let you in
Abracadabra magic happens as we swim
Higher and higher finally we reach Heaven
Come back to earth and then we do it all again, yeah.."

  .....then the music ends, my eyes slowly open. 

Damn, still sitting alone 
                           by the wall.

Pandora Esperanza~

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Water Through My Fingers

In the beginning was God and the word was with God....He created man, and so that man was not alone He in his infinite wisdom created, borne of the earth, but woman born of bone, both a creation of the Divine.

The DNA of the beginning calcified like rock into her very being. to search for the other, the missing, I am the flesh of your flesh.

But I am borne of the Angelic and the earth made bone.

Somewhere in the ether is the missing piece of my soul. When I thinks it's within my grasp it slips like water through my fingers. 

Is it my destiny to search through eternity always wanting but never finding....
each of my chakras wanting to connect to the one for which I was created...broken and abandoned waiting to be filled by the "I Alone", my other half....the bone of the bone.

I am Nephilim....child of heaven and earth, carnal flesh and divine....I am corrupt in my desire.... wanting your flesh. skin to skin, piel de piel.

Pure in the intention of my heart's desire, to hold only that which you can give...but it slips like water through my fingers.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015


Staring into its depth,
mesmerized by the swirling amber colored past.
I drink the memory of what could have been...
burning as I swallow it down past the back of my thoughts...

Friday, February 27, 2015

Battle Scars

Etchings , patiently carved into what is left of my soul. The scarred map of my journey,traversing the labyrinth of you.
Twisting, turning...misleading.

Friday, January 23, 2015



Deprived of all things, wrapped in.....darkness.....silence.....time.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Immortal Love

My soul is draped in the blackest of shrouds
My heart is cold, my skin is like ice.....
My eyes are lifeless.

Through the darkness you find me, you lift me.
I feel the warmth of your touch, you kiss me.

In Your Eyes

This was a poem that I wrote years ago, I actually think that it was my very first one. I was late one night and I was up studying, everyone else was asleep. I had been going through a challenging moment in life and out of no where these words started dancing through my spirit, my heart, my mind. My son Mikal calls it your "Sha Na Na". I posted this in an online forum that I had years ago, so consider this a re-post. 

In Your Eyes

I had never known it....
Or was that I could not see it.....
I peered into the very recesses of my being, but it always seemed to escape me, elude me.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

In My Element

In was in my element
Walking down the proverbial yellow brick road of life
I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there.
But somewhere, somehow, when I wasn’t looking the path dissolved
In a millisecond, the same amount of time that it takes you to blink,
I was floating in a sea of nothing.
No one knew, no one could tell because my feet kept moving
Moving through shear muscle and emotional memory
Seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, and hours to days and so forth, and so on, and ad infinitum.
I could feel you before I saw you
I could hear the intoxicating sounds that I would come to know as your voice.
You intertwined your fingers with the hand of my soul
I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be, and how I was going to get there
I wasn’t going to find it at the end of a proverbial yellow brick road

I found it in you.

Rice Paper Wings

Rice Paper Wings....
.. ..
Each day it beings…......
The cycle….....
The change….....
I am born carried by the ....
gentle inspiration of His breath.....
.. ..
I change…the necessary metamorphosis…....
I become what I need to be in that moment,....
daughter, mother, wife….lover.....
On my wings I carry the hopes and dreams....
of those that I touch…......
.. ..
On my rice paper wings~....
.. ..
At the best of times, I am able…....
able to keep my wings in flight.....
Then there are times when I am sure….....
that with the next great wind….....
they will be ripped away from me …....
and I will plummet into the never ending....
Blackness beneath me…....
.. ..
Then He touches me and renews me….....
His words whispered….....
words that can only be interpreted by ones soul…......
and again I take flight…......
.. ..
On my rice paper wings~....

Singing To The Wind

Singing to the Wind

While I slept, my soul was stolen from me.

A thief had come in the night,

silent and dark as shadow.

I woke to an emptiness that reached back

to the beginning of time.

I asked the birds had they seen my soul,

And they did not know.

I asked the trees had they seen my soul,

And they did not know.

I asked the sun and the moon surely they would know,

For they were the wisest, the first of God’s creations,

When He separated the light from the darkness,

And they did not know.

I asked the great waters,

for they touched the entire world,

And they did not know.

Then in the stillness….came the wind….and it spoke,

“Sing to me; sing to me the song

that only your soul,

and your soul alone can understand,

and I will carry your song.

I will carry it to the ends of the earth,

and I will find your soul.

And so I sang…..

I sang to the wind….

I sang until I wept…..

That night, as I slept, I felt the soft

cool caress of the wind.

And again, it spoke, but this time

in a whisper, “I have found your soul.”

And it place my soul in the black void,

And I was filled….

I was complete.

Pandora's Box

Pandora’s Box

It was given to me…
It was given to me in the moment of my creation.
Beautiful…gilded…when I touched it…
It seemed to move beneath my fingers.
But it would not open… it would not yield
To my desire…my desire to know
Its secrets locked inside.

What it carried, I did not know.
.. ..
I wanted to see…
To know what secrets lay inside,
But I was afraid… afraid of what
I might find, of what I might see.

But the box would not yield its mysteries to me.

.. ..

But it was not the box that needed to yield….
It was me……in that moment, my spirit let go….
And the box opened….
.. ..

Out of the box
came all of my deepest fears….
my hurts….
my disappointments…..

They hovered above me
like the blackest cloud…
I had been betrayed
by the beauty of the box.

But I looked into the box
deeper still…
and there it was…

I held it in my hand….

and it began to grow brighter
My fear became strength….
My hurt became hope…
And my disappointments 
became my dreams.